im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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