you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We have started to decorate penises.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
