If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
