Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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