she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
