So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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