My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
