WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
