never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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