Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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