dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
