WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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