Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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