Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
