Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
