sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
