Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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