sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
