Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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