i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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