you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
