once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
