the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Vodka?
Forever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
