my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
