Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize