You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
