I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
