1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
