Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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