i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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