that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
