how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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