I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
