Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
