Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
