i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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