My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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