We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The power of my boobs compel you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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