you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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