I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
