based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
