And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
