Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
