True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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