nut hugger
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
