It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
