Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
