if only i could text you this smell
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize