You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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