Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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