you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
