1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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