someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
