"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize