Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
