got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
