I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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