did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
