the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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