Where is the hickey?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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