Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My vagina just recognized that song.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
