yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize