I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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