Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
