I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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