We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
