Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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