Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
