He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
