is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
