its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
